


Dancing on my Own

by Liyyah



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 09:26:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12767967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liyyah/pseuds/Liyyah
Summary: In the corner of the room, Donna watches Harvey and Paula at the firm’s annual Christmas party. She’s not the one he’ll be taking home later. She’s not the woman he loves.





	Dancing on my Own

**Author's Note:**

> I was halfway listening to some playlist while scrolling through tumblr last night and a cover of Dancing on my Own came on and all of a sudden I started feeling and thus this mess was born.

It was a night filled with Christmas lights and egg nog. Laughter echoed off the walls, the holiday spirit thick in the air. Once again, it was the most wonderful time of the year.

Everyone was dressed to the nines as they paraded around the room. The Christmas parties at the firm were always a success. But this year, with it newly being christened Specter Litt, they had all worked extra hard to make sure things would be perfect.

And for most people, it was.

However, that wasn’t quite the case for Donna Paulsen.

The redhead had spent most of the night by the open bar, downing one drink after the other. She knew that she should stop soon as she was more than buzzed at this point. Yet whenever her eyes wandered to Harvey with a particular blonde on his arm all reason flew out the window and she would find herself signaling to the bartender for one more.

It was ironic that the woman who planned most of the event was having the worst time.

Donna had _tried_ to enjoy herself. She plastered on a fake smile when Harvey walked through the doors with Paula and did her best to ignore the way her heart twisted in her chest. More than once, she had assured Rachel that she was fine when she caught her best friend sending worried glances in her direction and she tried to mean it. She was pleasant and gracious and carefully managed to avoid the couple at every turn without seeming rude.

But then at some point they ended up under mistletoe and Paula had squealed in delight before rising on her toes to plant a kiss on a surprised looking Harvey.

A portion of the room had laughed, jokingly yelling out a few teasing remarks at the boss while the man in question rolled his eyes playfully in response.

And _fuck_ , it was like Harvey had shoved a knife straight through her chest.

So she made her way to the bar, drowning her sorrows in alcohol and leaving a trail of blood around her from all of the wounds that had been ripped open.

It wasn’t as if Harvey bringing Paula as his date was a surprise.

Things had been rocky between them when she had found out about the kiss but they were okay now. More than okay if Donna was to judge from their interactions throughout the party.

As for _her_ and Harvey, they were still working on getting their relationship back on track. She had seen the confusion and anger in his expression when he confronted her after she kissed him and hell she panicked. So she told him that she was sorry. That she didn’t know what happened. That she was still shaken up by everything that went down with Malik and wasn’t thinking straight.

_That it was a mistake._

More than anything, she had wanted to believe that it was disappointment that flashed across his eyes at her words.

But he hadn’t pressed her further and accepted all that she said and they moved on.

Of course it didn’t mean anything to him.

Donna didn’t listen to the little voice that whispered _he kissed back._

She wasn’t the woman he loved.

“Hey,” a familiar voice interrupted her thoughts. “You okay?”

“I’m fine Rachel,” Donna responded for the millionth time that night.

“Someone who’s fine doesn’t drink that much,” Rachel said with a look.

For the first time in her life, Donna remained silent. She didn’t have it in her to disagree when she knew she would just be lying.

She was too tired.

A frown settled on the other woman’s features as she stared at something in the distance. Donna followed her line of sight to find Paula laughing at something Harvey had said.

Rachel didn’t exactly approve of the couple of the evening.

“He’s happy,” Donna declared quietly. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

Her friend shifted her attention to her and Donna could almost swear that she saw right through her.

“We both know that’s not true anymore. Besides...he’d be happier with you.”

A laugh escaped from Donna’s throat before she took another sip of the scotch Harvey had gotten her hooked on.

_Oh how she wished._

All of a sudden, Mike sidled up to Rachel before she could argue further.

“So how’s everybody doing?” Mike asked and Donna resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

Rachel hadn’t been the only one shooting her concerned looks.

“I’m fine Mike. And if I have to say that sentence one more time I _will_ start dropping bodies.”

“You have too much alcohol in your system to successfully commit a murder,” he quipped.

“Do not underestimate me.”

At that moment, the music turned up and couples started making their way to middle of the room.

“Go dance,” Donna ordered her friends, noting the wistful expression on Rachel’s face.

“Oh no it’s-”

Rachel stopped mid sentence at the glare Donna shot her.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself?”

“Oh my god Mike please take your fiancée out on that dance floor and make her enjoy herself before I have to hit her.”

“Alright alright!” Rachel laughed as Mike did as he was told, playfully pulling her along.

A grin took up residence on Donna’s face as she watched them, blissful and glowing and beautiful as they wrapped themselves in each other’s arms.

She neglected the twinge of envy that tugged at her stomach.

However that ugly emotion only grew within her as she spotted Paula dragging Harvey towards the crowd. His entire demeanor was one of reluctance but then she threw her arms around his neck and the corners of his mouth turned up as he placed his hands on her waist.

A lump formed in Donna’s throat as vines filled with thorns sprouted throughout her body and wrapped themselves around her lungs. They squeezed and squeezed, stealing every ounce of air from her system.

She was frozen, unable to look away from the man she loved as he danced with another woman.

They existed in their own little bubble all while Donna’s world was crashing around her.

This was her own personal hell and they were starring in it.

The realization that it would never be her hit Donna like a tidal wave.

Donna had always kept her feelings for Harvey buried deep inside her. But throughout the years, she had begun to believe that the story would end with them. That they would find their way back to each other.

Then she had told him she wanted more and a part of her knew she meant him. She had thought that maybe that would be the start of something.

But he was Harvey and he missed the signal and ran into the arms of someone else.

And god she had tried to keep it together. She had tried to let it go.

However she couldn’t.

Suddenly everything was spiraling out of control and she was kissing him then she was taking it back and she didn’t have a handle on anything anymore.

Even so, some minuscule piece of her heart had dared to continue to hope that this wasn’t their ending. Like a fire that refused to burn out.

Watching them though, lost in one another, she knew it was time to douse the flame.

_It would never be her._

She was still drowning as she stood up, unable to withstand anymore of this goddamn event. Her eyes burned with unshed tears as she headed for the exit as calmly as possible.

Donna always thought that it was impossible for her heart to break even more but time and time again she was proven wrong.

All by the same man.

He was happy. With Paula.

_It was time for her to let go._

It was this thought that took root in her brain as she stepped through the door.

The decision to finally walk away was almost freeing.

She needed to find her own happiness. Her own _something more._ One that didn’t include Harvey Specter.

And so she would.

Yet, as Donna left holding on to a new mission, she missed the way Harvey’s head turned to gaze at her retreating form, regret flashing in his eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
